You're a Writer Korra!
by I'mNotGoodAtThis
Summary: Korra tries her hand at writing an autobiography.


**AN:** Holy crap I'm writing again. Written in two sittings, at 2 am, with almost no editing. Forgive me if I'm a little rusty.

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"Well Avatar Korra, when you initially came to us with the intentions of publishing an autobiography, I was very surprised to say the least. I think this is a really ambitious project we are undertaking here and I am honored that you have chosen our publishing company as your first choice." The editor stood up and shook Korra's hand.

"Actually Ping," Korra shrugged. "You guys were my second choice. I originally went to Publishers Clearing House because I thought it would be pretty cool to have guys show up to my house to hand me a giant paycheck after I sold a bunch of books. But when I got there they told me that they 'don't actually publish anything' and it was like 'Whaaaat? Why are you giving people giant paychecks if you don't do the thing that's actually in your company name?' Amirite?" She dropped into the chair and planted her feet on the end of his desk.

Ping stared at her awkwardly before he cleared his throat and continued. "Um… Anyways it doesn't matter what circumstances brought you here but I assure you we will take care of everything. Now on to business." He picked up the thick stack of papers on his desk and flipped to a page. "Based on the first draft you have given us I can tell that it will be a best seller, but before that happens some parts need to be… Edited."

"Such as?"

"You originally came to our company to publish an autobiography. Well in order for it to be an autobiography, it needs to be…."

"Be what, exactly?"

"True."

"What? Don't be ridiculous!" Korra shouted. "Show me ONE part of that draft that isn't completely true!"

Ping pointed to a highlighted paragraph on the top page. "Well there is this part in the chapter where you write about your fight against Zaheer. I'm sorry but I find it highly doubtful that you 'punched Zaheer in the face so hard that his entire face caved into his body." Ping adjusted his glasses and squinted. "Then his face continued to burrow so deep into his body that his front teeth became lodged into his testicles. And you wrote here that when Zaheer began crying, his tears came out through his urethra and he proceeded to pee his pants with his own tears'. It just seems highly… improbable."

"That totally happened by the way." Korra grinned.

"Okay…" Ping and flipped to another page. "What about this part? In your fight against Unalaq. It says here that you had slam dunked Unalaq's head so hard into the side of a mountain that Master Tenzin's daughter Jinora shouted 'You got knocked the fuck (pardon my language) out' and the theme song to your favorite movie 'Space Jam' played in the background."

"I don't see why that is such a difficult thing to understand Ping."

"How about the part where you got Amon to surrender by explaining the futility of his revolution and pointing out the fact that he would never be able to take the bending of every bender in the world, because bending is a recessive gene carried by everyone and even non bending parents have the ability to give birth to a bender? And then you discussed alternative, peaceful solutions with him to make sure that non benders are not oppressed again while addressing the deeply rooted issues he experienced with his father?"

"Seriously? C'mon Ping. What's so hard to believe about me talking down a domestic terrorist?"

"Besides the fact that after he surrendered, you 'defenestrated' him so hard that Avatar Kyoshi gave you a high five from the spirit world?"

"I actually found that word in the dictionary, it's pretty neat. Just say it real quick. Defenestrated. It means I threw him out a frickin' window." Korra leaned further back in her chair and smirked. "Defenestrated."

"Anyways, I also wanted to talk about this chapter you wrote about your final battle with Kuvira. Now we actually have witnesses who saw the spirit portal being created but I'm a little skeptical about what happened afterward."

"You mean the part where I cradled Kuvira in my arms gently and we talked about our deepest insecurities while trying VERY HARD to ignore the homoerotic tension that I'm pretty sure she was feeling as well?" Korra rubbed her chin. "I mean, she must have felt it too, right? Or not, I don't know. Maybe she did feel it, just a little bit. Do you think I should ask her? Because it's going to bother me for the rest of the day if I don't at least ask about it."

"Is that part even true?"

"That part is very true. I may have-"

"Lied?"

"EMBELLISHED a tiny bit. But that whole thing with Kuvira really happened. Hell she clocked me in the face with a chunk of concrete and I was still nice to her. That was an unbelievable show of self restraint on my part."

Ping pinched the bridge of his nose. "Either way, this is supposed to be an autobiography, Avatar Korra. We still need to edit these parts so they are at least accurate…"

"Even the part where Zaheer urinated his own tears?"

"ESPECIALLY that part."

Korra shrugged. "I don't agree, but whatever. Anything else?"

Ping shuffled the papers until he found the part he was looking for. "It seems like there are some sections in the book that you tend to stretch out over multiple chapters. Now it's good to put in a lot of detail when you are writing about events that actually happened. But it seems like you put an unhealthy amount of effort into these sections."

"What sections?"

"The chapters that deal with your love life."

Korra threw her arms up. "Oh c'mon! What's wrong with those chapters? You include sex in a book and people eat that shit right up. Are you telling me that I need to edit that too?"

"I'm sorry Avatar Korra but these chapters that focus on um, romance," He coughed. "go on for way too long. For example, you spent three entire chapters talking about the time you had sex on Chief Beifong's desk. It's downright pornographic."

"Eh." Korra shrugged. "When I wrote those chapters I did consider the fact that Lin would be seriously pissed when she finds out. But when you have sex that good you tell people about it. And MAN let me tell you, Mako's mouth game was on point! Did you read about the part where he did this one thing with his tongue that-" He held up his hand.

"Believe me, I have read it."

"Great! How about the other chapters near the end there? I'm especially proud about that part in the Spirit World with my girlfriend."

Ping sighed. "You mean the chapters you titled 'Korra and Asami's Bi-annual Spirit World Sexpedition? Parts 1-5?"

"Yeah that part. Took me a while to come up with the name. I was going to go with 'Bangcation,' but Sexpedition had a nicer ring to it. I believe it perfectly describes what we did during our vacation. I mean yeah, we explored the Spirit World, but we also explored **'each other'.** " Korra drawled.

Ping sighed loudly. "The amount of detail you put into these chapters is way too excessive Avatar Korra."

"Bullshit, the chapters are completely fine."

"You included a detailed chart showcasing what music you played during sex and wrote multiple paragraphs detailing how much your partners 'got into it'."

Well how else are people going to know that Mako likes Barry White or that Asami prefers Boyz 2 Men?"

 **"You drew pictures!"**

Korra threw her hands up. "Well when you have the Owner-slash-CEO of a multi-billion yuan company doing a striptease to 'Pony' by Ginuwine standing in front of you, it's kind of difficult to describe what she was doing with words."

Ping slammed his head against his desk and kept it there. After a few seconds of no movement, Korra moved her boot to poke him in the forehead. After a few more taps, Ping groaned loudly.

"You know," Korra glared. "I'm starting to think that you are losing your enthusiasm for this wonderful project that I put a lot of work into."

"I highly doubt you put any effort into this autobiography."

"Hey I had spent an entire weekend writing this." Ping finally looked up.

"So let me get this straight. You wrote an autobiography that is over three hundred pages long in two days." Ping deadpanned. "Not only that but you managed to make 170 pages extremely pornographic and the rest of the book is just you making up stuff about enemies you have defeated." Korra nodded.

"And despite the fact that you managed to write an entire book in such a short amount of time, there is not a single word in this rough, VERY rough draft that talks about the time you spent recovering after your fight with Zaheer?!"

"You know I did consider writing all of that. The 3 year period in my life where I was crippled physically, emotionally and spiritually... suffered extreme bouts of PTSD and felt like I needed to just disappear because the world just didn't need the Avatar anymore. I guess I could write about the six months travelling the world, barely managing to earn enough money to feed myself while being stalked by a dark spirit of myself that was very determined to kick my ass for some reason." Korra shrugged. "I actually have it all written up in Asami's study, but I realized that the book was going to be a little long so I cut it."

"You... cut it?"

"Yeah... it was either cut the most depressing period of my life out or cut out the sexy bits. Besides, who would want to read about all of that anyway? It's such a downer."

"I'm pretty sure a lot of people would love to read about it."

"Nah. If I was a normal person reading this, I would rather keep the sexy bits."

"Surely you have realized by now that you are not normal."

"Yeah I know. I'm awesome."

"That's not what I-" Ping took off his glasses and massaged his temples. "You know what? Fuck it. I give up. We are publishing this book. As is. Working with you is like gargling acid and motivating you to make changes to your book is going to be next to impossible. I'm taking your rough draft to my people and we will start printing tomorrow."

"Yes! Trust me you are not going to regret this!" Ping's arm waved limply as Korra shook it excitedly.

"I already am."

"I got one more request though."

"What is it?"

"I want my payment on one of those giant checks."

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 **AN:** Well here you go, I hope everyone enjoys it. This is part one of a new series of oneshots I am doing where Korra explores different careers after her fight with Kuvira. As with all my stories, I am open for suggestions. If you want to see Korra try out a certain job, let me know in the reviews or go to my tumblr page (stillnotgoodatthis dot tumblr dot com) and send me an ask. Also tell me what you thank of the first part, I would really appreciate it.


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